On Penises and Vaginas

By Dr. Yannick Peetridish at the Starbucks on Comm Ave 2/21/2019

Ontologically, we ask is heat the privation of cold, or is cold the privation of heat? Well I ask to you, my sweet audience, is a penis the privation of a vagina, or a vagina the privation of a penis? Common wisdom in the west favors the latter. A common insult to an anatomical male is that he is a pussy or has a vagina. Rarely does one overhear a female-anatomies human call another cis-gendered woman a “Penis” or a “Cock”, though it bust be cinched that a woman who exhibits stereotypically male behaviors may be accused of wielding a fat cock.

Perhaps it is only when we consider a penis the privation of a vagina that we get to the root of patriarchal/misogynist tendencies. But Yannick, how can a protruding and visible system be considered “less real” or the “absence of the introverted vagina - negative space if you will. It is because the vagina produces substantially more than the penis. In a side-by-side analysis at Georgetown University, it was found that both penises and vaginas secrete urine. Shockingly, the penis appears to no longer have a monopoly on cum either, though we are quite proud of our semen (aren’t we gentlemen). And yet, whereas we men, were once proud of the fireworks of our ejaculation - several videos on the internet demonstrate the Bellagio-esque grandeur of female ejaculation, which dwarfs the male performance. What’s more is that the vagina produces life - even a human with a penis. This is the fundamental anxiety of men, we lobbied for intelligence, land ownership etc. but alas we are never satisfied.

Males conceive of life as a soccer game, where the nets are vaginas. They must protect their own nets (the women of their in-group) fin penetration or “being scored upon” while trying to score on the nets of other men. To this end it helps to have other men on your “team” both for offense and defense.